Friendzone
by Alois21
Summary: "Let's get one thing straight... Tenten has been, and will always be, a good friend of mine; nothing more, nothing less." Welcome to the best friendzone! In which everything is do-or-die, and anything you do can either make or obliterate your chances at romance. And I just wanted to say: fuck you, Hyuga Neji, for putting me through this hellhole. NejiTen
1. Prologue

**Out of my own experiences, the only thing that could outmatch the pain of having to bear the object of your accretions **_**worship**_** someone else, is being in their friend-zone. Let's see how our favorite Weapon Mistress deal with being placed in such horrible zone no living soul should have to suffer. **

**Here's my disclaimer. I do not own Naruto. I do not wish to own Naruto. I do not have any plans of world domination, and consequent dethroning of Masashi Kishimoto. He's fine in that high horse of his (high from my perspective, y'know –vertically challenged), and he's doing a damn good job the way things are. So lest we'd like to see a rushed, clichéd, **_**shoujo -**_**fied story of a blond boy finally having the guts to confess to a certain clan heiress, let's all herald the genius of Kishimoto, and be contented that someone as **_**hopeless **_**as **_**das moi**_** is not behind the wheels. **

**And disclaimers are too troublesome. This'll be applicable for the entire story. By my power as author and almighty creator, only this disclaimer alone should suffice. **_**Problem, bro?**_

* * *

**P-R-O-L-O-G-U-E**

"Let's get one thing straight," Neji Hyuga propped his palms on the mahogany desk of the Captain's office. His lips set in a thin line, and his eyes fiery with determination (or as fiery as _Neji_ could get), he addressed each and every soul in the room in a monotonous but commanding tone. His disdain and exasperation rolled off him in waves, "I am _not_ fraternizing with my vice-captain. Whoever concocted such lies has gone too far, and should suffer due consequences by my own hands. Tenten has been, and will always be, a good friend of mine; nothing more, nothing less. Are we clear?"

Neji Hyuga had just publicly ratted me and my feelings out.

Worst, he publicly _friend-zoned _me.

I wanted to faint, dead-away.

* * *

**Alright people! I have a favor to ask y'all. I need this story to become my first ever to reach one hundred reviews, or more. I need y'all to be nice. I'll make awesome updates, and a fantastic batch of cookies (all bought, I assure you) if you can give me my dream 100 reviews. Please?**


	2. Circa Post Friendzoning

**Let's go, 100 reviews! Pretty please, my lovelies? I'll update as often as you tell me to. In exchange, I humbly ask for 100 favors from you fellas. I know you're all awesome enough to give me a little of your loving. :) **

* * *

"Indeed. The horrors of… the friend-zone."

Ino impishly grinned at me, emphasizing her point with a flourish of her manicured hands, and a flip of her blonde locks. She offered me a long, knowing look, with sympathy dancing tauntingly in those baby blue eyes of hers, and humor playing on her lips. I resisted the urge to hurl something—anything—at her to appease my irritation. She was not helping. "And you, my friend," She added as an afterthought, sashaying to and fro before me, "are in the worst state of it—the best friend-zone; a do-or-die situation. Anything you do either makes or _obliterates_—;" emphasized with small hand gestures "—your relationship completely."

I kept a steady gaze on her the whole time. I wanted to show her I was matured enough to handle this on my own; that I have everything under my control. Rather than giving into the strong, primal desires to chuck Ino herself off her balcony (I overpower her, definitely), I simply nodded in mute understanding, not trusting my rather eloquent way around words. Ino, as always, had immediately caught on my murderous intent, and she toned down her haughty grin into a soft, sisterly smile. "But you came to the right place, you know." She offered.

"Ino, I suppose you are aware that I did not come here for a pep-talk on the lows and blows of my already nonexistent love life—now jeopardized, mind you. I don't have many experiences under my belt, and with a boy eating out of your palm, I _presumed _you were the right person to heed some advice from. Guess I was mistaken…" I trailed off, observing the emotions play in her eyes. She shook her head slightly and motioned for me to wait, disappearing into the kitchen without another word. Moments later, she returned, cradling in her arms a pint of heavenly ice cream, and a single spoon.

Sweet mother of ice creams. She had me right there.

"You… win this round." I mumbled dejectedly as she laid out the confection on the coffee table. A bargain—compromise—unlike any other was about to unfurl between us. I began to mentally run through my cards, carefully strategizing on which steps were best for me to take. Ino scoffed aloud as she pushed the ice cream towards me.

"Eat your fill, Tenten. I'm not about to strike a bargain with you. It's compensation. I know I've crossed the line back then." I eyed her funny. Really? Ino being matured—it just did not sit well with me. It was all very foreboding. "I'm serious! Look, if you don't want—"

Like magic, I extended my hand towards the tub, protectively prying Ino's away. I smiled at her in gratitude, reaching for the spoon next. As I gladly ate to my heart's content, Ino began to speak.

"Like I said, you came to the right person. Although, no offense, Tenten, but I don't believe you have many to turn to on your list anyway."

"None taken; it's as true as the sun rising in the east." I mumbled through a mouthful. Ino glared.

"Well, for starters, this is definitely something which I alone can handle. I think we'll need a few heads into this if we want to actually make some progress." She reached for a drawer and retrieved a small scroll, performing a few hand seals. The scroll glowed purple, and Ino closed her eyes in concentration. Moments later, a blurry image of Sakura and Hinata materialized before us, and I scooted closer in curiosity. "Girls, are you busy with anything? I have something important on my hands right now, and I need you guys here, pronto."

"_Ino?_" Sakura's voice buzzed. There was a mechanic, almost masculine tone to it. "_My shift just ended. I'll be there in ten._" The "line" died, and Sakura's holographic picture disappeared. Hinata was mumbling her affirmation (I assumed, with the continuous bobbing of her head) alongside Sakura, but her soft voice was a little hard to pick up over the static. Ino nodded in understanding, and after a few more seconds, Hinata disappeared, as the glow dimmed out. Ino smiled at me.

"Well, that settles it!"

"What was that?" I motioned to the scroll Ino was tucking away.

"A technique I developed; allows me to communicate with people telepathically through a similar scroll," she raised said object, "which I personally crafted. It's a little scratchy for a prototype, but I'm working on it. Would you like to have a scroll of your own?" She offered, and I contemplated on it.

"Well Ino, if we're going to _make things work_," I emphasized the implication; "I suppose we could use all the communication we could get." She grinned at me.

"Great. I'll give yours tomorrow. I have a spare scroll, but these things would need to be adjusted to your chakra for them to work. That way, controversial information can be safe." She maneuvered around her apartment again, this time picking several misplaced objects cluttering the floor. I suppose this was her approach on _cleaning up_, if the thick dust lining that settled on nearly every surface had anything to say. "By the way, only mind-readers can initiate a conversation. So unless you have learned a mind technique or two, we're going to have to work around a one-sided talk for the most part."

"Why couldn't you make it work for both parties?" I raised a brow in skepticism.

"What part of _scratchy prototype _can't you understand?" Guess I struck a nerve. Ino doesn't craft many objects on her own, after all; techniques, even more so. This brainchild might as well be her pride and joy, and I had crushed it mercilessly with a single sentence. Serves her right.

"Alright then, let's get this show on the road!" I nodded vigorously, already feeling the aftereffects of consuming too much sugar in one sitting.

* * *

_One week later…_

"Tenten, you take pity-parties way too seriously! Now get out of there, or so help me, I will _incinerate_ this door down, you hear?" Sakura called over from the other side. I gritted my teeth stubbornly, bringing the covers closer to me. She could knock the door down, for all I care. Money is rarely an issue for me these days. I could get myself a new door in no time, or I could simply cash out from her. After all, _she _destroyed it in the first place.

I was already concocting ways to get a few bucks off her when the door indeed went sailing across the room, and a furious Sakura stalked in, with an equally irriated Ino, and a worried Hinata hot on her trails. I peeked at them from the edge of my covers, before pulling it over my entire body, latching onto them like a life force. Sakura—this inhuman strength was working to my disadvantage—tugged on them forcefully, spewing a string of partially filtered profanities with each pull.

"God forbid, Tenten. You certainly know how to hold a pity-fest don't you? Shit, just let go already!" She squeaked as I kicked her from underneath my blankets. Sakura hopped on the bed, before slamming her body against mine. I growled. Damn, this girl is heavy. Distracted, I admit I was caught off-guard when Ino heaved the covers from under me, leaving the rest of the dirty work to gravity. Thank God Sakura was a pretty soft pillow herself, cushioning most of the brunt of my fall. She fumed in exasperation, and roughly shoved me off. "God _damn it_, Pig, do _not _pull off something like that again."

I picked myself off the floor, and actually shared a small high-five with Ino, whose mood was suspiciously better now. Hinata trailed worryingly after Sakura who was busy cussing up a storm outside. I assume she was ransacking my place for some ice now. I did take a little comfort in keeping my floor polished, free of the carpet doom Sakura and Ino once attempted to smuggle in. I did not like carpet floors; much too much trouble to clean up. While they certainly are soft, and provide a little more comfort than normal, the aftermaths of keeping them just wasn't worth it. So for Sakura to not only have to cushion my fall, but to know for herself just how affectionate my floor could be, I could only imagine how much pain she must be in now. I snickered.

"That's what you get when you try to get in between me, and my lover."

"Tenten, do not address your bed as your lover." Ino grumbled under her breath as she shoved me outside my room. She forced me on my couch, and watched over me like a hawk to its prey. I _assume _she's pulling off an intimidating look as she kept tabs over me. It's too bad I've seen much more menacing ones, and had not even faltered in the face of far worse. Her efforts are commendable, though.

Sakura materialized into my living room with a pack of ice tied securely around her torso with a makeshift tourniquet out of my apron. Hinata appeared seconds later with tea. The four of us finally huddled around my slightly spacious living room, and Ino began her status report. "As far as the friend-zoning is concerned, we have not made much progress to counter it. However, given that it has only been a week since the Neji incident, this much—or lack thereof, actually—is only to be expected. Most especially," Ino frowned at me, sipping some of her tea, "since the one who needs it the most _refuses _to cooperate."

I rolled on my eyes. _This _card again. "How many times, Ino, must I tell you, that even if I typically do not look like it, I still have an _image _to maintain in the compounds?" I quipped, a little exasperated. Hinata gripped my hand in an assuring fashion, smiling slightly in my direction. I accepted her empathy. I don't have the heart to lash out on little Hinata, after all. Her action calmed down my nerves.

"Well Tenten, this can't go on. You're favoring your image over your chance at love. I thought you _grew _up a little on this department." Sakura mumbled, a little scalding. Was she still stinging on the bed incident? I frowned.

"I'm not favoring one over the other. There isn't even any competition between them. But you couldn't blame me either, could you? I turn 21 in a few days. I'll be freaking legal already. I couldn't even score a base with one guy. How pathetic can I get?" I moaned into my palms, bringing my knees up to my chest.

"And that's why we're here to help, Tenten." Sakura's tone made a turn from monster-ly to motherly. She scooted closer to me and slung an arm over my shoulder affectionately. "Heaven knows how many times you've saved our butts in the past. We're absolutely indebted to you. This is the least we could do for you. So… trust us, please?" She smiled up at me, and a feeling of something akin to warm and fuzzy washed over me. Those doe eyes of hers always have a way around me. I turned away, but reluctantly grumbled.

"Fine. But whatever you're scheming had better work." I glared at her, silently threatening her with a promise of pain among other undesirable things should this fail. I am being bound to several troubles for this… this… "_un-friend-zoning_" plan of theirs, and it is only proper that I be rightfully compensated for them. Sakura winked at me reassuringly as Ino stood up and clapped her hand in glee.

"Alright! To quote Tenten a few days back: _let's get this show on the road_!"

* * *

Hell.

Mother fucking hell.

I am no stranger to high-heels, and I've had my fair-share of melee actually engaged and triumphed in on them. I could hold my own against them, and, I pride myself, for quite some time too. Still, trudging on uneven grounds on platform heels was a wholly new experience for me. The most I could hold was about four inches, and I was already teetering precariously on the brink of spraining both my ankles, and embarrassing myself on a mission, among all things.

Platform heels are decidedly different. Completely different. How high could these things shot up anyway? Who came up with the idea of skyscrapers for shoes, anyway? They might have thought it good fashion, but not very practical either. Fashion is a statement that is barely even existent in several countries all across the globe. What lifestyle did they think majority of us were leading: civilians?

"Tenten, stop blaming your shoes for the absence of world peace." Sakura admonished. I looked up, but lowered my frown on the shoes again. I was itching to take them off. Sakura and Ino, and even Hinata, however, had insisted that this was as good training method as any other. For one, seduction-slash-espionages would not be as taxing as they once had been when I was not used to having my center of gravity upped a few inches. Another is that my balance was being tested, which could come in handy on certain situations involving rocky, or none-too-stable terrains. I _could _see their point, but I could also see how much sugarcoating they're putting into this whole situation. I mean, high-heels-training could have sufficed. They did not have to lie through their teeth. But I get their points, nevertheless.

"Sakura, since when had your sense of humor dwindled into such state of pathetic?" I commented dryly. Sakura ignored my jibe and instead prompted me to walk around with renewed center of gravity, which I have never tested before. To say I was simply nervous was an understatement. For the first time in forever, I felt… a little apprehensive. I did not want to risk a would-be serious injury over a petty situation. Beyond the physical pain, the beating my pride ought to take is much worse.

I shakily stood up, a little appalled over the lack of stability my _shoes _offer. I grasped for anything to level myself with, but the wall was naked, and save for the _wall _itself, I was on the verge of tripping on my own feet. I glared at Sakura, who was beckoning me like a child learning to crawl, "How high do these things go anyway?" I demanded tersely. She thought for a moment, gazing heavenward in recollection.

"Seven or eight," she deadpanned, completely brushing aside the aghast face. "You'll get used to it. It's a lot more stable to walk on than your wedges, Tenten. Trust me." Steeling myself, I peeled myself off the wall and attempted to walk. Baby steps, baby steps.

One step… two steps… this was actually going pretty well… three steps… fou—_fuuuuuuuuuuuuu_!

"Tenten, oh my god! Who on earth leaves a freaking _fuuma shuriken_ lying on the floor?" Sakura shrieked.

God, have mercy.

* * *

"I don't see the point of this."

I grumbled, exasperated beyond words, as I held the icepack closer to my swelling ankles. Sakura refuses to employ her healing techniques on it, given that I was bound to recuperate in a few hours. _A waste of chakra. You've got a copious deal of it yourself. You'll patch yourself up in no time_. She reasoned. Hinata, who had been silent for a good few hours now, finally spoke up.

"To be honest, I don't see the practicality in your methods either, Sakura, Ino. Tenten has done well and good even without resorting to making herself more feminine than she already is. If you ask me, I think her female charms lies in the fact that she's not the most girly girl my cousin has ever set eyes on." She gave me a knowing stare, "I'm absolutely positive Neji-nii has taken this personality of hers into account for a long time now, and I'm also absolutely positive that he is perfectly fine with Tenten the way she is. From how I see it, changing her into something she's not just would not sit well with Neji-nii." Hinata explained, her eyes set determinedly on each one of us. I nodded. The only thing keeping me from throwing my arms around Hinata—my savior—was my banged-up ankles. I managed a wide grin instead.

"Listen to the one who has lived with the ass her whole life, guys." I grinned cheekily at them, beyond relieved that I no longer have to subject myself to such subtle methods of torture. Ino and Sakura contemplated on this, and a pregnant pause followed my lifeless jibe. Hinata excused herself to brew us another batch of teas ("and cookies, too. There are some in the countertops!" I called out), while I tended to my now-numbed ankles. Upon closer inspection, the swelling was significantly much better now, and what remains are more purplish marks than hideous reds. I could live with this.

"Alright, we're switching tactics." Ino finally said, after minutes of deliberation.

"I suppose it was wrong to force a strategy that wasn't fitted for you, Tenten." Sakura smiled apologetically. "Not to mention, the girly-fy approach is way too overused, and chances are, it wouldn't even merit the results we desire. Neji is quite dense on his own right, not to mention, he has his own standards and preferences. I suppose by-the-book tactics such as these have no chance with him at all." She admitted. I glanced at Ino, and I could already see the gears in her head turning. I anticipated whatever she was going to pitch in. Instead, she remained silent, intently eyeing her manicured hands.

Hinata served us snacks, as Sakura and Ino immersed themselves in their own little worlds. I'll save my worries for later. Right now, I'll pass on unnecessarily stressing myself out by trying to guess whatever their brainchild could be. I leaned back on my couch and allowed myself a few winks, basking in the peace.

I welcomed slumber with a rerun of the events of nearly a week ago.

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**So. Cliff hangers. :) Who loves cliff hangers? I do. What exactly happened a week ago, and how will Ino and Sakura approach things now? I'm glad I could deviate from the typical makeover fan-fics which I've come to love. Let's just hope I fish a decent plot from the abyss of my imaginations.**

**Remember guys, 100 reviews. We can do this! **


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